2 years ago today

2 years ago today i was due with elena. ::sigh:: oh lord were we clueless. we had no idea. i thought i did. a baby of my own, motherhood, parenting - it was all something i had dreamed of, something i had mimicked time and time again, something i had really thought i had been preparing for by caring for other infants, reading about, buying for, etc. and i guess, in those ways, i was prepared. we had everything we needed, child development was my 'area,' and i had been waiting for this day for as long as i possibly could have. i was ready.

but what was really about to happen - to my heart... the feelings, the emotions, the depths. the true rawness of it all. clueless (and i don't admit that often. ok ever).

i just can't believe it was 2 years ago. i don't even remember really. i mean, i remember being anxious.....and blissfully ignorant of the whole labor/delivery thing. oh and huge...i remember being huge, swollen and sweaty. my limbs feeling like they were filled with cement. my back and hips feeling as though they were made of rubberband. and huge. did i mention how huge i was...on 8.8.07?!

but i barely remember life 2+ years ago. i mean, what did i do? i probably napped, exercised and had a clean house. saw family and friends more, actually went to the malls to shop and showered everyday. i don't even know. it was just two years ago. and whatever it was....it seems soooooo long ago now.

there was so much anticipation for two years ago today. but you, you had other plans. and still kept us waiting...

"Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials." ~Meryl Streep